One of the most repeated pieces of advice given to writers is to show, not tell.
However, many writers fall into a trap of ‘showing’ in a way that weakens their writing. Adjectives can be used to ‘show’ the world and characters you’re writing about, but they are easy to overuse and drag your work into purple prose oblivion.
Some smart alecks have devised games to make fun of the resulting writing. But what about adverbs? Those can be just as bad, but there’s no game to make fun of them.
Until now…
Spooky
Perhaps my favorite critique of adjectives comes from bettermyths.com. If you don’t know about that website, the author retells myths and stories in a manner one might hear after the speaker is four drinks in.
So, entertaining and memorable. And simple.
Perhaps my favorite is the retelling of H. P. Lovecraft’s tale about Cthulhu (warning! Swearing and immature humor). If you haven’t read Lovecraft, the dude loved his spooky adjectives.
Which means that you can replace almost every adjective with “spooky” and no meaning will be lost. Cut them out and the narrative flows!
Check out the link! The relevant paragraph is near the bottom and it is glorious.
So glorious, in fact, that my writer-y friends and I started a game. If you notice flowery adjectives in a piece of writing, any writing, every adjective is now “spooky.”
This has proven especially funny (spookily funny?) when reading real estate listings. Nothing like a spooky house in a spooky community with spooky floors and spooky doors!
However, we were not the first ones to create a game like this. In fact, there is one that is often attributed to Mark Twain…
Damn
If you look at quotation aggregation websites, you’ll find a quote much like this:
“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
It likely wasn’t Twain who said it. In fact, it seems to have been the work of an editor, William Allen White. The proper quote is as follows:
“If you feel the urge of ‘very’ coming on, just write the word, ‘damn,’ in the place of ‘very.’ The editor will strike out the word, ‘damn,’ and you will have a good sentence.”
Nearly a hundred years ago people improved their writing by playing these silly games. I advise you to do so as well. In fact, I even heard of a writer who took this advice then found that he liked the characterization it added to the narration, albeit in the first person.
Heck, we have it easier now. Find-and-replace lets you damnify every ‘very’ that skipped your eyes. Non-very adjectives are harder, but I have faith in you! Spookify your work!
But those are adjectives. What about adverbs?
Literally
Most writers agree: excess adverbs lead to purple prose.
Not the beautiful purple of royalty or certain butterflies, no. The grotesque (spooky) purple of a disreputable (spooky) body part too-long engorged with blood.
He ran quickly. She whispered loudly. They married jubilantly. The writer wrote dejectedly.
Stoppit! Down with -ly! Let’s hold a revolution, literally!
Do you remember high school, too-many (or not enough) years ago? “I literally adverbed,” said the teenager figuratively. If you were anything like a large fraction of the population, this misuse of ‘literally’ irked you.
Let’s use that irksomeness.
Much like adjectives, it can be easy to misuse adverbs in an attempt to add description (or word count) to your work. But this overuse won’t improve your writing.
Every time you see an adverb, mentally read it as ‘literally.’ Your natural disgust will highlight the improper adverb and you’ll strike it from your work, leaving it stronger.
Or, it’ll fit. And hey, that’s fine.
Adverbs have their place. So do adjectives.
It’s overuse that’s the problem. Only use them if what you’re describing is literally damn spooky.
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